Johnathon and Kyle's Fire Safety Tips
by mastermind123
Summary: Johnathon Porter and Kyle Wilson show you the dangers of Fire, and how to avoid them.
1. Chapter 1

Johnathon


	2. Sorry Everyone

Hi everyone. Here's the actual story. That last one was my little joke. None of the material below belongs to me. It all belongs to the geniuses who created the web series RED vs BLUE. I just wanted to see what the story would be like if I added my own characters and the storm hawks did different roles. There was no actual fire.

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Johnathon: Why hello. I'm Johnathon Porter From the story Cyclonian Public Enemies.

Kyle: And I'm Kyle Wilson from the same place. Recently, our author experienced a major fire that nearly burned down a whole city block. So our author, mastermind123, the fire department... and the judge, thought it would be a great idea to do a single chapter describing what we learned from the event.

Johnathon: And, with the help from the Storm Hawks, we present to you...... JOHNATHON AND KYLE'S FIRE SAFETY TIPS.

Kyle: Now, if you're wondering what exactly fire is, it's because you're an idiot. You probably also ask questions like, "What am the sky?" or "How does eat food?". Even cavemen knew what fire was dumb ass.

Johnathon: And sure you know what fire is, but can you tell if something you own is on fire? Look for the following signs: 1. Smoke, 2. Heat, 3. Fire. Things that are on fire typically have fire on them. It's a dead give away.

Kyle: So what do you do if you're caught in a fire. Well we've assembled a quick list of tips if you ever find yourself in a raging inferno.

Johnathon: Step 1: Panic. Any modern scientist will tell you that fire requires an oxygen rich environment to burn. That same scientist will also tell you that the human body expels carbon dioxide with every breath. So screaming and panicking will rob a flame of it's vital nutrient. Thus putting it out.

Kyle: This tactic will vary based on the size of the fire. A very small flame will only require a minor amount of panic.

(Johnathon and Kyle turn to look at Aerrow standing next to a small fire, holding a script).

Aerrow: (Clears throat). I am mildly concerned that Carver will break out of prison to try and kill me.

(Flame goes out).

Kyle: A medium sized fire will need a moderate level of panic.

(Johnathon and Kyle turn to see Stork with a script, standing next to a medium sized flame).

Stork: Did you hear that the mind worms are now on Terra Sahar now. That's not good.

(Flame goes out).

Kyle: And for a fire alarm situation.

(Johnathon and Kyle turn to see Finn with his hair and butt on fire, running in circles with flames all around him).

Finn: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All of my hair gel is gone.

Johnathon: (Grimaces). OOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!! Clearly not enough panic. For this, I would recommend that you read some radical political blogs, or, try doing a Google search for the phrase "Mayan Calender".

Kyle: Also, you may have heard the phrase, "Where there's smoke there's fire." This is false. Smoke is where fire used to be. It indicates the absence of fire.

Johnathon: So just remember, in a fire, head directly for the smoke.

Kyle: Climb on the ceiling if you have to.

Johnathon: Also, statistics show that over 95% of all fires happen in a building. While only 5% only happens in a vehicle.

Kyle: So, if your home/ airship catches fire, just head for you nearest garage and get in your car, and wait for help. Statistically, you're far less likely to be injured.

(Both turn to see Steven running from flames. He hurries up, and jumps into a black sedan).

Steven: Ahh. Now this is much cooler.

Johnathon: But what happens if you can't get out of the fire and into the smoke? or if you can't reach your vehicle. You're probably thinking, "What happens if I catch on fire?" This is a very serious situation.

Kyle: We've set up this row of dummies to show you what exactly happens when a person catches fire.

(Johnathon and Kyle turn to see a row of dummies with Walker on the end).

Walker: Wait. I'm actually real.

Johnathon: Shut up dummy. (Throws a fire grenade that he gets out of nowhere. It hits Walker and sets him on fire).

Walker: Whines. Oooowwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

Kyle: Fire is bad in a high concentration so you want to delude it as much as possible. Try spreading the flames out by passing them out to as many people as you can.

(Flames hit Steven while he has the window down).

Steven: Thank you Walker. Fire safety is about sharing.

Johnathon: So remember, stop, drop and roll. Stop next to one of your friends, Drop 'em with a swift fire punch, and Roll all over them.

Kyle: This will spread the heat as much as possible, quickly dissipating it.

(Junko runs up to Kyle and Johnathon).

Junko: Ummm, guys. I think we might have a problem.

Kyle: (Cheerfully). I think you're right Junko.

Johnathon: Well, Kyle, I think it's time to practice what we preach. Let's get to panicking.

Kyle: On it.

(Both Johnathon and Kyle start screaming their heads off).

Johnathon: Ahhh. Ahhh. Ahhh. Hey a nickle. Ahhh. Ahhh. Ahhh.

**In loving memory of The OC's of mastermind123's stories: November 20th, 2009-January 24th 2010.  
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